So hard to believe that I could leave you so far

"You are everything to me
You are pulse in my whole life
You're my encouragement that sustains all my weak sides for the past 4 years
You, you, you and you
That's what you mean to me
Formerly so all love for you "

"Even you never know who I am
You never look at my account or all my posts
Yes, that post that reaches thousands posts
Never glance at you"

Sometimes I envy with your new fans
Then they get the notice from you
Not sure but I congratulate my friend who just got to know you then become your fans then only less than 1 year she got what I had dreamed of. That is notifications like and follow back from you. I think she's lying, it's true that you its really yours verified account

-2016 (jelly moments)

As for me, I know you from the beginning you first appeared on tv
I am faithful waiting for you on my television sitting up to the night nervously facing sleepiness
I'm the one who is willing to cry for you, drain the energy and buy whatever it is about you
But for those 4 years I've never had the luck to get your attention
Sad indeed, but I quickly moved
For what I envy, I am your true fans, I learn great again also get notice from you is not my main reference if I am your true fans should I just explore about you, my view
"Never mind sooner or later, you're just less diligent and your post time is not right", I guess
But whatever it is, still years later I haven't notice from you

-The end of 2016

The envy and envy thought slowly disappears shortly
I received the news that you left the group, the group that raised your name
At first I do not believe it, this message anymore, this rumor continues to bored me, In my view
But when I read a group that calls your former group
And see the postings from your former group account, also posting each member
The rumor is a real rumor, IT IS!
As if struggling while in the dorm I heard the news
Thousands of directions stabbed me, my heart and mind when it was crushed didn't know what to complain on who and what
The difference between your party and the group makes me have to trust you
Because I know you're not a petty type
Deceiving your own fans then dancing over their confusion to reach your dreams
I'm sure you can't be so, then I'm worse for your former group
I declare myself completely to you
I quit my fandom group that calls your former group
I choose to change the fandom as your fans completely

-At the first 2017

When I have chosen you
Yes I chose to be your loyal followers
My fandom friend from your former group
Begin to ask questions and blaspheme me from behind
I do not care if i'm set my own heart and all my feelings
I was then angry with your former group who stated that
You are the one who wants to leave the group
Unlike your statement that you were issued unilaterally
I do not want to be in this confusion
You must be the right one, you are the one who is wronged by them
In fact either I don't know which is surely you, who I believe

Ever since you became a soloist
Lots of guys who thronged you and thanked you for not being in that group anymore
Blasphemy on you as if it would be a sprinkling of salt on a wounded skin
Hurt my heart, sharp words, fans of your former group
I'm doing a defense for you
Arguments with arguments catapulted in my social account
And that makes me get hates from my friends more than in last group's fandom
While typing, I cried to defend you on the phone
And I don't know the truth, but because I believe in you
Then it slowly disappears eaten by time and success both of you

At last october of  I still love your work
There is a change from you in your music video with Machine Gun Kelly
Changing your appearance is not too much trouble for me because your clothes are still fairly polite and most importantly your voice is still the same as the first time I hear on tv
It sounds uniqueness, your improvisation that vibrates my heart space
I really like you and the song. It's your best song ever

After that, in early 2017 you pull out a song that tells you not to cry at the club and the next song you ask questions for someone.
When I know you've pulled out the 2 songs at once how happy I am, you finally have your own song.
Honestly, this is what I look forward to when you're still in the group.
I like to imagine the songs from your former group is just you, the sound of you singing the song, I was imagine if all the members didn't sing in, it just there your voice would be my favorite song forever.
Will not get bored until I get old to play it.

But when I play that song through Spotify my friend, how surprised I am.
My ears went sick and my face twisted in surprise
I never thought your voice changed
No matter what your genre of origin is not Rock or EDM which obviously my ears will refuse
But what I was questioning then was
Your voice is different, is not unique and cute as before again
What is this? Why do you sound like a drinker?
Why your voice becomes so rough and impressed imposed
Coupled with lyrics that smelled of narcotics
I was astonished...


-continous in part 2

So hard to believe that I could leave you so far

-Continously PART 2 (The Ending)


I'm suprised at the change in your voice
and i don't like the song because what should i do if your voice was uncomfortable in my ears?

Yet again I did the manipulation on my heart
I try to like the song
When my closest friend said "how come Camila voice so rich so, the rich Han! like drunk people, already song is not good anymore for me"
I just say happily "She's mature now so her voice is changed again rich first, then the song was good you would be like it in another time. Try to understand thats song means good you know something like story of strong women hahaha "
And I know very well that change makes me become uncomfortable again hear that song
And I also know that the meaning of the song is not very good
That's how I am if it's a commitment, I'll like and do whatever it does my idol

Then your video is showing photoshoot to cover your first album
I mean your first album as a soloist
Again you startled me with astonishment
This time I'm really running out of words to cry
I'm ashamed to see you so
I am ashamed to admit you are my idol
Your clothes are so sexy
Indecent really changed
In your photoshoot video
I see your body in touch by the man who did make up to you
Your chest is watered like oil
He put it into your chest while you were interviewed facing the camera
And you just laughed not you care with it

Are you really comfortable being that way?
Is it true you are now a woman who is easy to open your clothes
Is it true you no longer pull your own clothes that are open as before
You are now the same as the majority in your country

I'm really ashamed to have told everybody you are a different american girl
Because you were so polite and cute like a doll
It's okay that's your right
Besides, who i'm for you. Also you have different beliefs with me
Especially you're from a superpower that does have a culture like that
I am stupidly surprised by your change that for them is common
Too naive I admit that you are the one who american singer dressed the most polite
I used to see you always dressed in long sleeves with a tightly closed top to the neck with a buttoned collar
So it is very easy to choose your photo to make cover of you in my chat application bbm / ava Line so my father is not angry
At least the clothes you wear are the thigh and bikini pants you wear while swimming
I understand that it is a common thing
But since I've been a fan of you for 4 years I've rarely almost never seen you perform with open chests
In fact I don't know your chest shape like, because you never see it to the public, unlike your friends in your former group it.

I'm really surprised and disappointed that your change makes my eyes on you to change and keep me away from everything about you
Now it's hard to choose your polite-looking photograph
Like out of stock I force you to used your latest photo in the gallery
Then my father blustered because of your obscene clothes
Now I can't put your photo anymore
Slowly I start to stop consuming your music and watch your latest videos to be delayed which usually must be at that moment I watch
Then you released the next song that is Havana and OMG
I don't like the two anymore. Havana I think is not good enough and your voice is the most make my ears become uncomfortable. OMG sounds like R & B music somehow the music makes my ears uncomfortable too. Maybe if you are a Harmonizers who sometimes interfere with Camila's voice in Fifth Harmony music you will understand. It's just that I think her old voice is still very make me fall in love, finally now I feel like you feel.

Because you are so changed, so my love for you faded by itself
Over time I realized that I didn't deserve to be called your fans anymore
Because I no longer want to know your activities and everything about you
Now I'm not your fans anymore
Because my account instagram Camilizersindonesia already inactive and I give it to to my friends who are still your fan.
From my personal instagram account I'm getting sick of seeing your sexiness in the timeline
Now I've unffolowed you and also all members fifth harmony
Because I have been disappointed and no longer want to know about you

After Havana's music video came out, Havana's song instantly skyrocketed and gained popularity to Indonesia.
As popular as the cassettes Despacito song that has recently disappeared.
Havana is covered by many people from all over the world
When I open youtube, every day there is just a cover Havana song in the timeline
Similarly in Instagram, smule and other social media
My college days and breaks always sounded lyrical Havana
If only I still became your fan
Maybe I will still scream hysterically to everyone I meet and know the Havana song
And I will be stuck in jealous fire because you have so popular in my country
Who had no one who knows who you are besides me and fandom friends who only dozens of its members.
Now you are transformed into a famous singer in my country and maybe you will hold your first concert hmm I mean your first concert as a soloist in Indonesia
And of course I don't want to watch it
Because I no longer know who you are
To me now, you are a different person


Goodbye, Camila
I hope your career is always victorious, even though I'm no longer behind you.